Remembered and Treasured -
by Enigmatix
Summary: Harry happens to walk past Prof. Snape on his way to the common room and sees Snape, his eyes wet and red from crying. Just when he thought it was a figment of his imagination, the man utters something to him that makes him see Snape much more different.


**AN AWKWARD MOMENT**

Snape stood on the corridors, looking out towards the sky and then beneath him, to the castle grounds. His long black coat was gathered at his feet, his hair dishevelled and his forehead creased with worry and concern. His rough hands were clasped in front of him on the rails, fingers entwined as he continued to think about that one person, that one woman who he could never seem to force out of his heart. From the time she had moved into his life over thirty years ago, she had never vacated it and it pained him to think that he didn't reside permanently, wholly in hers as well.

He grabbed two ends of his coat and wrapped it tighter around his body, his hands tucked within and sighed. He could be dead by now, he thought. Death could come tomorrow or even minutes or seconds away and yet. The Dark Lord could somehow snap at any minute and find his actions suspicious and get rid of him. He could suddenly come to the conclusion that maybe Snape was not really on HIS side, but on Dumbledore's. It could suddenly occur to him that maybe Snape was using him, mocking and plotting ways to destroy him. Yet, as he stood there, he again reassured himself that he would not be found out and even if someone reported suspicions to the Dark Lord on him being not so faithful a death eater, there would be no solid proof because he always managed to cover up his footprints wherever he walked.

Looking below him he saw a student with red hair running across the grass, her friends running along as well, laughing as they went and he again remembered Lily. Often times, he would realise that there wasn't a minute that went by when his thoughts didn't linger on her. Her warm smile and kind eyes and the way she often sought the good out of anyone and overlooked the bad. She was brave and loyal as well, never ceasing an opportunity to take a risk and feel what success felt like. Her dedication to anything put before her, whether it be a secret she wished him to reveal to her would always make her achieve what she wanted in the end.

And, he thought as he stood there, she did achieve what she had wanted. She had gotten James and had been so overjoyed at finding peace with someone who knew her well. Little did she know that he could only find peace in her, she was like a force that could calm any storm that crossed his path. She had always been the one that could make him smile and feel that there was indeed a thing such as love for he always believed she had loved him when no one else did. Lily used to tell him that anything was possible once you believed it would happen but she was wrong. He had always wanted only her and he had always believed in his heart he would get her but it never had happened. He suddenly realised that a few tears had managed to escape and he quickly wiped them away.

Just before he had come up here, he was in his office and remembered that today was her wedding anniversary. He clearly remembered the letter she had sent him, inviting him to her wedding and he had not replied because no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that whatever the odds she was still his friend, it always nagged at him that she could have been his. It could have been his wedding. Harry could have been his son. And after he had had a few minutes in sadness and tears, here he was.

He suddenly heard footsteps coming along the walkway and turned to see who it was. Harry was walking slowly in his direction, his head bowed and hands in his pockets as he came along and Snape's heart quickened its pace because of the guilt he felt. Merely seconds before he was thinking about Harry and his mother.

Of course, Harry didn't notice Snape at first. He was in deep thought after what he had seen in the Pensieve in Dumbledore's office minutes ago concerning Voldemort. He had for the first time seen Voldemort as a child and what he was then. As the thought crossed his mind as to whether Voldemort had probably killed anyone when he was a child, he looked up and saw Snape standing there. Instantly the deep hatred inside of him climbed and he knew even if he didn't say something to Snape, the man would utter something sarcastically.

'Good afternoon Professor,' he muttered, trying as much as he could to avoid Snape's eyes.

Snape turned fully around and looked at him. 'Good afternoon Potter.' And he didn't feel like saying anything else because of the mood he was in so he stopped at that.

'I was just going to the common room', Harry said and after waiting a second or two he started to walk off.

'Potter', Snape finally said, 'where were you?'

'I was with Professor Dumbledore in his office sir', Harry replied.

'And where are your two friends?' Snape asked, not even sure why he was asking such questions.

'They are in the common room I suppose sir.'

He wanted to just continue talking to someone, anyone even Harry because if he didn't, the thoughts of Lily would enter his mind again and he would feel depressed again and worthless. But all he could think about when he looked at Harry was Lily. At first it surprised him that it wasn't James that now entered his mind as he stood before Harry, but it was Lily that he thought about. He missed her so much that his heart ached and just once in his life he wished that he could share how he truly felt with someone else. He wished that he could tell someone how he had always felt about her and how he still felt. Yet he couldn't do that.

He suddenly found himself losing control of his tongue and saying to Harry, 'Today would have been your parents' eighteenth wedding anniversary.'

As much as he wished he hadn't said it, it felt a bit relieving to mention it to Harry because the boy ought to know that. Snape wished he could tell him all the things he didn't know but ought to know. He wanted to tell him how special his mother was to him but he couldn't. He just couldn't.

'Really?' Harry asked, a confused yet interested look on his face.

'Yes.'

And Harry didn't know what else to say. He looked at Snape and to his surprise, he saw that his eyes were red and there were tears on his face. At first, Harry thought that maybe he wasn't seeing correctly and blinked twice or so to clear his vision of any obstacles but when he looked again at Snape he did see what he had seen before. Snape had been crying. Harry suddenly felt uneasy and confused because first of all, he never thought that Snape was capable of crying and secondly, Snape seemed to be thinking about something that he, Harry, couldn't imagine what it was. Maybe it was some woman he was thinking about that had broken his sorry heart, Harry thought.

'Did you know my parents well?' he asked.

'Quite well enough', was all Snape said not looking at him but over his shoulder.

'What was my mother like?' Harry asked. 'I knew my father was...well', and he thought of what he had seen his father doing to Snape when he had managed to accidentally see Snape's memories last year.

Snape didn't seem to be moved by him mentioning that though. He looked at Harry and managed to say, 'your mother was kind, soft hearted and her eyes...'

'Yes', Harry said, 'they were like mine.'

'Yes.'

'Professor are you alright?' Harry risked asking because as much as he hated Snape, he couldn't help but wonder what was bothering him to make him seem so vulnerable. There he was talking to Harry as if he cared for him and it was just like any other day where they often talked. Harry thought it a bit strange of Snape bringing up his parents like that and he believed that whatever Snape was feeling had to do with his parents.

'I have to work to do', Snape suddenly said and he started to walk away, 'I must go. Goodbye Potter.'

'Professor!' Harry cried, 'wait.'

Snape stopped but he didn't turn to face Harry.

'What is it Potter?' he asked, his voice low but steady.

'You tell me sir.'

Snape turned to look at him, 'that's not your concern, is it Potter?'

'No. You're right', Harry said giving up, 'it really ISN'T my concern. Good day Professor.'

And this time he was the one that turned and walked away. He was aware that Snape stood watching him but he didn't turn back. Something was wrong with the man. He didn't know what to do about it because of the circumstances of him never actually caring for Snape. How could he manage to help someone who always seemed to hate him from the time they first met? He walked quickly to the common room, anxious to tell Hermione and Ron what had just happened.

Snape just watched Harry walk away and wanted to call him back and say something more but he just couldn't. He was afraid that if he started talking about HER he might not stop and then he might utter something Harry ought not to know. Because he was in such a mood, Snape wasn't really thinking about hating Harry as he usually did. Whenever he thought about her, like the old times, all his barriers would fall and he would become totally exposed. Whenever she was in his mind, he became the person he always used to be. He became that person that used his heart to love instead of making other people's lives miserable.

...

When Harry entered the common room he was relieved to see only Hermione and Ron sitting by the fire waiting on him. He went over, still confused about what had just happened and as soon as he sat down he related everything to the two of them.

'Well it's a bit tad isn't it?' Ron first said, a bit of sarcasm in his voice, 'being a git like that you'd expect to get your heart knocked around a few times by anyone, much less any woman.'

'Well I think', Hermione said looking at him crossed, 'that Snape was deeply saddened by something either about you Harry or something else. For him to mention your parents' anniversary just like that, doesn't it suggest something? Oh Harry! You are so shallow at times! But of course it is what I think it is!' she cried looking at Harry, her eyes wide. When Hermione gived them that look it meant that she had somehow discovered something that neither of them would have come up with because of how 'shallow' they were.

'What are you talking about Hermione?' Harry asked and Ron seemed to ask the same question without saying it because he was looking at her with such intensity, at first Harry thought he might have been studying her. Putting all that thoughts aside, he waited on Hermione to explain.

'Well,' she said looking at both of them, 'it's obvious. Snape is jealous.'

'WHAT?' both Harry and Ron exclaimed together, looking at her with shock.

'Harry! Open up your eyes! Is it a coincidence that Snape is suddenly gloomy and teary on YOUR PARENTS' ANNIVERSARY?' she exclaimed.

'What coincidence?' Ron asked and wished he hadn't asked after Hermione threw him a glance that clearly said 'you are so stupid!'

'What you are saying, and I hope you aren't, is that somehow Snape is jealous of my parents' marriage?' Harry asked looking more confused as ever.

'Yes!' Hermione exclaimed, 'finally you figure it out. It doesn't require endless studying to see THAT Harry! It's so obvious! I mean even I wasn't there but surely, it all adds up doesn't it?'

'But why would he be jealous of my parents being married? Why would he be saddened today, the day of their anniversary?'

'Yea why?' Ron asked again and Hermione kicked his shin.

'Oh you two are so dumb at times!' she cried, 'tell me why men never seem to be able to understand or pick up anything concerning emotions! Harry', she said turning fully towards him and backing Ron, 'Snape is probably jealous either one of two reasons. It could be that he wished he was married as well or,' she continued, 'and I doubt whether it is that, I hope it isn't that, Snape jealous of your father for marrying your mother!'

'NO WAY!' Harry cried looking at Hermione with shock, 'I mean the latter, no way could Snape have loved my mother THAT way!'

'Harry', Hermione said, 'remember last year when you saw into Snape's memories when he was at Hogwarts as a student, you saw him being bullied by your father as well as Sirius by the tree?'

'Yea but...'

'BUT who came to his rescue Harry?' she asked, 'who came and demanded that James stop taunting Snape and leave him alone?'

And Harry realised she was right. In that particular memory when his father had cursed Snape and had him hanging in midair, his mother had come rushing in demanding that they stop it and leave him alone.

'Snape,' he said and Ron scoffed.

'Blimey', he said, 'Snape had a thing for your mother!'

'It...it might not have been THAT', Harry said trying to sway from the fact that maybe it was true, maybe Snape had loved his mother, 'it could have been that they were best friends.'

'Harry!' Hermione cried and gived him the look that she had gived Ron earlier, 'Snape would suddenly become sad because your mother and him were JUST best friends, on your parents' ANNIVERSARY? Oh come on! Best friends don't get saddened at their anniversaries. I know I wouldn't if you two got married. I would be happy.'

'Maybe he is saddened by her death', Ron suggested and felt mighty good that he didn't get a look again from Hermione.

'NO!' Hermione said, 'he loved her!'

'Why are you so sure Hermione?' Harry asked.

'Because it's the only explanation and it's obvious', she said, 'look at it this way Harry, Snape probably loved your mother and maybe when she married your father, the man who used to bully him, it upset him really bad. It would explain a lot as to why he treats YOU the way he does. It would explain why he is so mean to you all the time Harry!'

'Why?' both Ron and Harry asked and Hermione threw her hands in the air and got up.

'I am totally exhausted by this shallow mindedness! I am going to bed!'

But Harry grabbed her hand and tried to get her back to sit down, 'oh come on Hermione! Why?'

'HE HATES YOU BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE YOUR FATHER! She married the man whom he probably hates unto this day and boom! You happen to look just like him!'

Both Harry and Ron were staring at her surprise, their eyes widely opened and on Harry's part, he was flabbergasted at such a thought. She had to be right. He didn't want to believe it was right but it all made sense! He suddenly began to understand a lot of things concerning his relationship with Snape and himself. He then realised that if he had been Snape, he would have done the same thing, he would have deeply hated seeing himself, Harry, because after all, he did look a lot like his father, spectacles and all!

'Merlin's beard!' Ron exclaimed quietly and looked at Harry, 'that is some news! Imagine Snape loving your mother Harry! Blimey, no wonder he deeply loathes you. The man probably can't stand but HATE you whenever he sees you because you remind him of the man who took his sweetheart away from him!'

'Aw shut it!' Hermione cried looking at him, 'don't dare down Harry's spirits by saying such a thing to him about his mother. For all we know, Snape did love Harry's mother and probably she loved him as well, but that doesn't mean that Harry's father was in the wrong. Just look at the sort of person he is! Even if your mother did love him as I suggested, maybe she came to her senses and realised that James was far better than Snape in some way...'

'Or', Ron said cutting her, 'Snape did her something bad, maybe proposed to her, the slick git he is, and maddened her. He probably asked her out. That alone would turn off any girl', and he settled down with a smug look on his face.

'You are unbelievable Ronald Weasley!' Hermione cried, 'how dare you say such a thing?'

'Oh don't go off on me for saying that!' he said, 'you were seconds ago accusing Snape of being a bad person and I quote 'just look at the sort of person he is, James was far better than Snape in some way' and I unquote.'

'I was just suggesting that maybe Harry's mother thought that', Hermione said shooting daggers at Ron, 'I...'

'No! You were saying it based on your opinion! You were...'

'Enough!' Harry shouted above their voices and they stopped, 'look at you two quarrelling over what my mother thought or what Snape thought! Only they would know! Only Snape would know. Besides I am still not convinced that MY mother had anything for Snape. Probably it was on his behalf only. I don't think my mother would have had that bad taste in boys.'

'I'd say the same', Ron agreed and refused to look at Hermione.

'Harry', Hermione said quietly this time, 'it could be a lot of things for all we know. None of us could know the truth. Only Snape, your mother or father would have known. Maybe you could ask Lupin. He was in their year. He probably would know something about it.'

'I doubt whether he would tell me', Harry said, 'the only person who would have told me would have been Sirius.'

'Sirius might not have told you as well. Remember how he was so against Snape? He hated him,' Hermione said.

'Ask Lupin,' Ron suggested.

'I'll try. I was so shocked at seeing Snape's eyes red though!' he said, 'I mean, his eyes were damp!'

'Aw, poor soul, maybe if he wasn't such a git, we could have offered him comfort or something', Hermione said sadly.

'Comfort?' Ron asked sarcastically, 'comfort? I bet you'd hug him right now if he crossed your path with his eyes oh so damp and his eyes red. You'd hug the git.'

'At least you tried to ask him what was wrong, you showed concern', Hermione continued as if Ron hadn't spoken to her at all.

'He probably is in his office sitting feeling all full of himself, git he is. Come to think of it, you have to finish off my essay for Defence Against the Dark Arts tomorrow Hermione. I bet he will be in a fantastic mood tomorrow!'

'Believe it or not Ron, I have better things to do than to be your slave and I am NOT finishing any essay for you! You finish it yourself! I am tired of you making fun of me and am going to bed now! Good night Harry,' and she kissed Harry on the forehead with a smile then stalked off to the stairway leading up the girls' dormitories.

Ron looked after her and said, 'what's her problem?' and turned to Harry, 'you see what I have to put up with? Imagine when you are not here! Clearly mate, women are so emotional.'

'Yea well you could have been nicer to her', Harry said and Ron shot him an angry look.

'Oh for you to side with her and not see what good I was doing', and he got up, yawned then stretched then announced that he was off to bed.

'Yea I'll be up in a minute or so', Harry promised and Ron left.

He got up and went out of the common room and into the corridor. Taking his invisibility cloak out from his robe he threw it on and descended the staircase. A few students were brave enough to walk around the corridors at nights and the only person he saw on his way to the dungeons was Luna. She came his way wearing her Spectrospecs, skipping and singing a very funny tuned song.

'The witches are on their way,

Right at the dawn of day,

They come with their brooms,

And with their heirlooms,

And chase all the Nargles away!'

'Hello Harry', she said as she passed him and he jumped but then realised that you never put anything past Luna. She was the one who had discovered him in the train beneath his invisibility cloak. Something about Nargles in his head, he remembered.

On his way to the dungeons, he decided to walk along the corridor that was located on the outside of the castle walls, giving one a clear view of the grounds and sky. At first he didn't see anyone along the way in front of him then he saw Snape. It was obvious that he had not seen Snape from where he was because the man had on his usual black coat and was totally camouflaged in the dark. Harry was a bit nervous and excited to see him and he had no intentions of revealing himself to Snape at all.

As he neared him, he saw that Snape was looking up towards the sky. His hands were clasped and were over the railings as if he was praying or something. Then Harry heard that he was saying something indeed and listened closely.

'I'm sorry', he kept saying over and over, five times already.

Sorry for what? Harry wanted to know as he stood near Snape with his hand covering his mouth and nose to conceal his breathing.

'Lily I'm sorry. Lily', and he bowed his head and let out a deep, heartfelt sob and Harry almost jumped at that sudden show of emotion from Snape. He was more shocked to realise that Snape had just uttered his mother's name and was saying he was sorry. What had he done to her? He wondered.

'Lily, I wished things had turned out differently. I wished...no I wanted you...no I am sorry for thinking so. Lily I have always loved you!' he cried, not loudly but loud enough to make Harry get the idea that it pained him to say it. Snape had his head bent crying and was shaking. Instantly Harry felt tears forming behind his eyelids. Although he didn't know what Snape was sorry for, he felt saddened by the fact that Snape was crying. SNAPE WAS CRYING! Harry couldn't believe it at all. He was never able to convince himself that such a man could actually be able to cry.

'Please come back.'

And he was looking up to the sky again.

'I want to see you again. Please come back. Just one more time, one more time!' he cried and he suddenly grabbed his coat ends with both of his hands, folded his arms then started off walking in the opposite direction from where Harry had come.

As much as Harry wanted to follow him, he didn't. He just watched Snape walk off and as his figure descended a staircase ahead, Harry reached up and wiped the tears from his eyes then took off the coat.

He went to same place Snape was standing mere minutes before and looked up into the sky.

'Mom', he said softly,' mom what happened between Snape and you? What did he do to be in such a position to beg for an apology from you? I wish you were here', he said and when he had let the paranoid feeling that she would somehow answer him pass, he threw on the coat once more and went back to the common room. That night he dreamt of his mother and Snape being totally in love and then they were married and Snape ended up being his father. He woke up smiling because if that had happened, Snape would have had no choice but to be good to him. On the other hand, he realised that he would have probably had some resemblance to the man. And the smile turned into a frown.

(HEY GUYS HOPE YOU LIKE IT. I KNOW IT STARTS OFF A BIT DRAGGED OUT BUT I WANTED YOU TO GET AN IDEA OF HOW SNAPE WAS FEELING AT THAT MOMENT AND HOW IT AFFECTED HIS PERSONALITY WHEN HARRY CAME ALONG. IMAGINE WHEN IT CAME TO WHAT QUESTIONS I THOUGHT HARRY WOULD ASK SNAPE, I COULDNT THINK UP OF ANY BECAUSE I HAD NEVER GIVEN IT THOUGHT! IT WAS A BIT AWKWARD FOR ME LOL! ANYWHO...WHAT I WANTED TO BRING OUT HERE IS THAT EVEN SNAPE CAN BE DEEPLY AFFECTED WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE, THAT HIS ENTIRE PERSONA CAN CHANGE...EVERYONE IS A FOOL WHEN THEY ARE IN LOVE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I DECIDED TO ADD THAT PART WITH THE COMMON ROOM TO ALLOW US TO SEE HOW HARRY WOULD REACT IF HE KNEW ABOUT SNAPE AND LILY. THE ONLY PERSON THAT I FIGURED COULD BRAVE THE IDEA OF TELLING AND COMING TO THE CONCLUSIONS SHE DID WAS HERMIONE. LOL APART FROM THAT, I FELT A BIT DARING ENOUGH TO ALLOW HARRY TO GO AFTER SNAPE. MY INTENTIONS AS WELL AS HIS HOWEVER WEREN'T TO ACTUALLY CONFRON THE MAN, BUT TO SEE IF HARRY COULD AT LEAST FIND HIM AND SEE WHAT HE WAS UP TO. OK MAYBE HARRY DID SET OUT WITH THE INTENTIONS OF TALKING TO HIM BUT I DIDNT THINK HE WOULD HAVE DONE THAT. I JUST WANTED EVERYONE TO SEE HOW SNAPE WAS DEEPLY HURT AND SADDENED BY LILY'S DEATH AND WHAT BETTER OCCASION TO BRING IT UP THAN ON JAMES AND LILY'S WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!

REVIEW!)


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